英语笑话大全爆笑到肚子疼

当听别人说笑话的时候觉得不大好笑，还会觉得冷很冷，可是自己看的时候，却笑到不行，你有这样的经历么?以下的英语笑话大全爆笑到肚子疼，希望能让你欢乐笑不停。

英语笑话大全爆笑到肚子疼一：长官在婚礼上 Chief is at the wedding

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back."

"But ,officer, I …."

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警察”这个人说道：“我可以解释的”。

“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。

“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的`婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。”

“你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

英语笑话大全爆笑到肚子疼二：同样的行为，同样的结果 The Same Action Yields the Same Resul

A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest,and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane.

But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind."

Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well."

So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area.

The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?"

The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

有两个猎人包机前往一座森林，到了以后，他们和飞行员约定好两周后来接。

两周后，他们射了许多动物，而且打算把这些动物全部搬上那架小飞机，可是飞行员说：「这架飞机除了一头野牛外，没办法再多载了。你们必须把其他的猎物都留下。」

猎人说：「但是去年另一个飞行员开一样的飞机，就让我们带两只水牛，还有一些其他的动物上机!」

因为他们这样抗议，所以那个新飞行员想了一想后，尽管还是有点存疑，最后还是妥协说：「好吧!如果去年可以做到，今年应该也可以。」所以他装了两头水牛和一些其他的动物。结果飞机起飞五分钟后，就坠落在邻近的地方。

这3个人从飞机爬出来看了看四周，其中一个猎人对另一个说：「你认为我们现在在哪儿?」

那个人瞧了一下，说：「我想大概距离去年坠机的地方西边一英哩远!」

英语笑话大全爆笑到肚子疼三：爷爷给我付账 Grandpa will pay the bill

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

一个漂亮的女孩走到百货公司的布料柜台，说：“我想要买这种料子来做一条新裙子，多少钱?”

“每码只需要一个吻。”男售货员说着，带着奸笑的表情“很好，”女孩说，“我要十码。”

带着期待的表情，售货员很快地量好了布料，包裹好，一脸奸笑地送了过来。

女孩很快收起了包裹，微笑着指向了一个站在她身边的老头：“爷爷给我付账。”

英语笑话大全爆笑到肚子疼四：分享一切 Always Share

An old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one Coca Cola and one portion of French fries. The old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the Coca Cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife.

He divided all the French fries half-and-half. He gave half to his wife and kept half for himself. Then he began to eat and drink,and the woman just drank but didn't eat.

There was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn't have any money. He said to

the old couple, "Okay, I can buy you one more portion; you don't have to share like that."

So the old man explained, "No, no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything. Whatever we have, we share half and half. Don't worry, but thank you, anyhow."

But then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn't eating eat, and only the man ate, and he asked, "Why aren't you eating?" And the wife said, "Today it's his turn to use the teeth."

有一对老夫妇到速食店去，叫了一罐可乐和一份薯条。然后他们面对面坐下来，那位老先生先把可乐分成两杯，一杯给他自己，另一杯给他太太。

接着他又将薯条分成两份，一份给他太太、一份给自己。然后他开始吃薯条、喝可乐，但是他的太太只是喝可乐，不吃薯条。

一个年轻人刚好站在旁边，看到老先生把每样食物都分成两半，觉得很奇怪，他想或许他们没有钱，便跟老夫妇说：‘我可以再买一份给你们，你们就不用这样分了。’

老先生解释说：‘不、不!我们结婚四十年了，一直都是分享每件事物，什么东西都是一个人分一半。不用担心我们，不过还是谢谢你的好意。’

过了一会儿，他看只有老先生吃着薯条，老太太没吃，便问老太太：‘你为什么都不吃呢?’老太太说：‘今天轮到他用牙齿。’